Sweetwater,
Kenton

Kenton

I hope the coyote was indeed rolling over in the sun

I’m just not sure about “But in truth, we know nothing about the suffering of others. We are too immersed in our own judgments.”. Don’t we and are we, really? This thinking makes it seem too easy to detach ourselves from other’s suffering, and not reach out to help. Doesn’t it take much to understand when one is suffering, like maybe if we try to imagine ourselves in other’s shoes? And is it really okay to simply detach from it all and continue to focus on ourselves? Aren’t we all connected in some way? I’m not too sure about the answer, that’s for sure.

Just some thoughts that continue to nag me, albeit I do like your message(s).

sof theo — You bring up a very relevant question. In my experience I’ve found that it is very easy to misjudge others’ situations, usually because our own ideas about ‘how their life is’ and ‘how it should be’ creates a climate where we are primarily immersed in our ideas.

What is the reality of another’s feelings of pain or joy? Is what another presents to us ‘truth’, and what do we mean by ‘truth’? In short, we’re stuck with the fact that we can never be in another person’s head — we can only be in our heads, imagining what they are experiencing. Many people look at another person and think ‘that person could be doing so much better if they just made this or that change’. We do this to ourselves as well, often creating an endless list of improvements which must be made before we can start enjoying life.

This post isn’t a call to cease putting ourselves in others’ shoes — only a call to realize that when we do this, we’re not necessarily in touch with the reality of their situation — only with our imagination of what their situation is.

If I give a homeless person a thousand dollars, what will they do with it? They may create a new life for themselves. They may give it to another. They may purchase drugs and overdose. Often we give, and our giving is a set-up for us to make more judgments — I’m pleased if the homeless person changes their life by purchasing food and getting an apartment and a job, but I grow angry with them if they spend the money on meth.

My brother and I were in Nepal once, and a man with leprosy who had no legs dragged himself across the street to us. My brother, who was my guide in this country, rarely gave money to beggars, but this time he did, placing it into the man’s three-fingered hand. We then sat down on the side of the road to watch people, and the beggar dragged himself over to us, settled in beside us, and lit up a cigarette. Is this what my brother’s gift would be spent on? Cigarettes?

In this way, I could witness my own judgment about who was worthy of our compassion, and the reaction when I felt that the money wasn’t spent ‘properly’.

If we can give without this judgment, we create a totally different climate, especially when we give to ourselves. But often when we give with judgment, we further divide the world, and often fail to see the suffering of others (such as the suffering of the very wealthy).

As always, thanks for your thoughtful comments, sof theo!

Sweetwater,
Kenton

Giving without judgment, or helping without condition, or sharing without expectation, I do like that. It allows us to be who we are in the moment, without thinking less or more of others, who are really just another ones like us. It lets us be as we let others be.

You just never cease to inspire, my friend.

I just thought you’d like to know this highly emotional reader could hardly do so for tears blocked much of the view.

Thank you for taking us with you on this adventure.

Barbara

Hello Barbara! As always, thank you for sharing. The world is that much more beautiful when we can really feel.

Hugs,
Kenton

I loved reading this… very well written
and you’re so right
We know nothing about the suffering of others.. its not always so obvious and in retrospect.. it doesn’t need to be to lessen the severe judgement we cast on others

anyway I’m with Barbara.. I was definitely moved

*sigh* beautiful

Thanks for adding your voice here. You’ve definitely hit on the very strong link between our ideas of compassion and our ideas of judgment.

Sweetwater,
Kenton