Thanks, Kenton, for another glimpse of the practical man behind the wise words. You’re a true inspiration.

Have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, as I’m sure you will!

I did, as a lark, the Death Clock thing yesterday. I put in all the stats and then entered my mood as normal - not pessimistic or optimistic. It said I have another 30 years! A check of the optimistic box had me living to the ripe age of 93! 40 more years! Then just to see, I entered pessimistc and the answer was that I should have died in 2004!! R.I.P.

Of course this is just entertainment - but it brings into focus a point about how we look at life. Just as you say, Kenton, we can choose to be miserable in the moment trying to bust out of our situation and become something, someone else; or we can see the moment as the blessing of being alive in a marvelous world full of diversity and exciting possibilities.

The paradox is that when we stop trying to change - we are able to then experience the change we so desperately seek.

Thanks again my friend for prompting some lively discussion and insightful philosophy!

Thank you for your words and well-wishes =)

Fondly,
Kenton

I’ve never tried the Death Clock thing! I’ll have to look it up. I’m not sure exactly how much evidence there is that our outlook can effect our life-span, but I’d be willing to bet that it’s pretty strong, and that whatever evidence there is will continue to be supported as time goes on. I’ve always had the impression that stress is probably worse for our health than chain-smoking. And yet so many people feel it’s an inevitable part of life.

Your words, when you describe the ‘paradox’, strike to the heart of this. Our constant efforts to improve and change can be the very cause of our suffering, and also serve as blocks to affecting the change we’re usually trying so hard to achieve.

Thanks, as always, for being a part of this exchange, Jerry =)

Sweetwater,
Kenton

I am truly honored to have made your blogroll! I always appreciate your presence here, as well upon your own site, where you share with your readers in such an authentic and heart-felt manner.

Thank you.

Sweetwater,
Kenton

As I clicked on this post I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had no idea what your reaction to the letter I wrote would be. I wrote it because I am on a mission of authenticity. I need to admit where I have failed, where I still fail. In telling someone else of my hesitancy to read your writings, I wasn’t doing that. I needed to tell you, be truthful with you.

I see your post as what I’m calling “top layer”. All the external things you experienced this week, an in-need-of-repair car, a lost source of income, a hurt pet, a house repair, some mediation for some friends. The only one that I’m not putting in that category is your friend who was injured. It is the part of the story that comes closer to what I was talking about.

I have no job currently so money is an issue, house repairs that keep waiting for the aforementioned reason, family who want my assistance or attention, pets who haven’t been to the vet. And I cannot say those things don’t effect how my life is or isn’t “proceeding”. Yet, I see the other side. I’m still here at my computer in my home, the cat is ok and I told my aunt when I have extra money for gas I’ll give her what she wants, me to visit, keep her company, when the rest of her family isn’t showing up. But they are all top layer things. This too shall pass, that I know.

Your friend, his health, your concern, your wish for his recovery, the support you give him, the support he gave you in return with his positive outlook, the support he then provides himself in doing that. That is what is missing in my life. Both externally and often internally because of the external and the internal, the paradox. I call this the second layer. It is not as easy to change the view as I would looking at the top layer. It is where on my path I find myself. And honestly, it can be a most challeging place to be, no matter how beautiful the snow. But it is true the snow does provide moments. I can almost see you and your friend walking through it soon.

Barbara

I too was wondering what you would think of this post =)

You write with heart-felt authenticity. It is difficult to get a clear impression through writing, but I will attend to your letter based on what I see there.

I know that life can be a great challenge at times. For some of us, almost all of the time. I can see the relevance of seeing events as top layer or second layer, and yet, we can also cause ourselves undo pain when we divide things in this way.

The pain is caused when we find ourselves feeling strong emotion regarding events which we don’t feel are worthy of that pain. This is often the basis of our stress and suffering. If I feel sad or frustrated because of a friend who is in the hospital, I tell myself ‘that is okay, because this is a serious issue’. But if I feel sad or frustrated because my checking account is low, I can add even more pain to the situation if I decide that worrying about money is not serious enough for me to be upset about. Now I’m upset, and I’m also upset that I’m upset! =)

This becomes a form of judgment. We look at others’ pain and make a judgment (however subtle) regarding whether or not they ‘should’ be upset about their situation. More significantly, we can become upset with ourselves about our emotions, and punish ourselves for feeling badly.

The key is that we don’t need to eradicate or even change the negative events (or emotions) in our lives – you know that well enough. But even when we know this, we can find ourselves acting as if we didn’t – and putting our energies toward resisting our current situation. When we resist, we create the pain we think is an inevitable result of our current situation.

By accepting our right to experience our emotions – even our sadness and frustration – we can cease to judge our right to feel. Usually, no one in our lives gives us permission to truly feel. Most importantly, we don’t give ourselves permission to truly feel. Then our life becomes a constant effort to force our emotions or thoughts into little boxes – and the magnificent fullness that is ‘us’ refuses to be boxed. Thus we encounter pain.

If we see someone crying on the sidewalk, do we give them our full compassion? What if they tell us that their grandmother just died? What if they tell us that they just lost their contact?

One case might seem significant to us, and the other trivial – but what seems trivial to us may be causing someone significant suffering. If we can feel that we would deliver our compassion to the crying person in either case, it’s probably not too far off to consider that we can deliver the same compassion to ourselves, regardless of the source of our suffering. It matters not if we have lost a loved one or dropped a dish — in that moment, our experience is as real and as relevant as at any other time in our lives.

I urge everyone I know to encounter their life with as much compassion as possible. This does not mean that we shouldn’t look at our emotions, but simply that we can look at them with clarity instead of judgment. In the end, we discover that all of our suffering has a single source, and discover our own perfect compassion for the world.

It begins with ourselves, for that is where we are most lost. Know that you are beautiful, know that your awareness is boundless, know that you are capable of perfect love for yourself and all of this world.

I know it’s not easy. I know the power of emotions has to tumble our world. But they derive all of their power from our resistance. They are resistance.

May we all have the compassion to grant ourselves the freedom to feel and be.

Oh yes. Thank you for your beautiful wishes about walking through the snow with my friend. It will be soon, I think =)

Namaste, Barbara, in the full meaning of that word. (Please have a look at the link, for it says all of this in a slightly different manner.)

Kenton

The awareness of suffering and not ever diminshing how or why or what we suffer is a part of my intellectual arsenal, often that understanding offered to others, sometimes a forgotten element of my own.

I read Namaste earlier today. And I am fortunate to say when I learned the word I was instructed in its full meaning. I think there have been times I have truly meant and received its meaning as it was shared.

Let me return it to you.

Namaste.

Thank you so much =) I’ve visited your site, and it is simply lovely. Your latest post on play is such a gem. Thanks for putting me on your blogroll, and I’ll look forward to getting to know you more through your writings!

Sweetwater,
Kenton

Thanks for this.

Regards,
Rahul

I hope you can do alright.

-Kin

But, ah. The cup is clearly full of both water and air…:)

Sweetwater,
Kenton

Glad that writing style worked! =)
Thanks, too, for the well-wishes. I do love your last little quote there — sums it up just perfectly.

Sweetwater,
Kenton